This morning, Jacques was called by a teenager from his hometown "uncle." He was so shock that he asked back after he answered the teenager's question.
"What did you call me just now?"
His face flushed.
Wow! Not longer ago, he told me that he felt like in his 25. Well. How can you tell?
The second thing is that he felt so ugly and bad to hear that an old white lady criticized us "stupid" "Chinese (pig?)" or "get out of here!"
According to his memory, this happened before we had a lunch in Montreal China Town. The lady was triggered because she saw me trying to touch a chubby dark grey pigeon on the street of downtown Montreal. The pigeon was so cute and I gentlly called "pigeon" and took his hand to get closer to this lovely little bird. It walked aways from my approach at first and then flew away.
The old white lady was walking against us and saw what I had done. She was very unsatisfied and blaimed me, "why do you hurt her?!"
I tried to explain to her that I did not. She won't listen and insisted her opinion. Well, what can I say? Except acknowledge that I had done a thing she does not like. But, this old lady won't stop accusing me, and then bugged up to the whole Chinese. I don't want to waste my time with such an arrogant person.
Jacques was very slow at reacting English. When I took him away from this issue, he suddenly recalled what the lady had said. This made him very very upset. He would not stopping being angry for quite a few minutes until we sat in the restaurant for some good food.
I did not realize that he was so furious until serveral hours after the lunch. We were sitting in the couch of a friend of his on the South of downtown Montreal. We chatted for quite some time. His stomachache continued. Since he mentioned the uncomfortable story we just experienced, the thought that the pain in his stomache might be caused by the lady's bad mouth. He confirmed that the accidental poisoning was shot before the lunch.
For some unknow reason, I did not feel being insulted badly although it is the first time I was insulted like this. After the lady and while turning out all the details of this experiences, I showed no angry, no pain, and no regrets - not to argue agaist with this lady. I was not even amazed by myself. Maybe this is because that I have heard of this kind of story in Arkansas. Not very many times, but the same arrogance and same insult. My composure may also come from my worseful experiences with several arrogant Chinese men. Also happened in Arkansas.
I always knew that life is an experiences and I always hope that people can treat each other equally. Of course, life treated me a good lesson. I know that life is not what we want and expect. Life is life. Just like a small pupil back into my childhood, a green hand in my earlier social life, life has already told me:
A new comer is always a stranger and a snub. New comers are often welcomed by cold shudders.
I was too young to inscribe the information into my life dictionary. Now, I got it. But still face to the sunny side of life.
Besides, I had my third experiences of death one year ago. The first and second life and death experiences happend when I was below five. Still, I was too young to engrave the information of death into my life book. Yet, the car accident I had in August 2005 reminded me life is only once. This is a very good lesson I've learned. It taught me a lot and is still inspiring me to discover the depth of life.
I understand that one should not hold too much opinions about life, we should be as open as we could to nature and other peoples, and we should learn to love but not hate. At least, this accident let me know that to be angry is a huge mistake. Comparing to the calmness I had tried to pick up before, I totally understand it what is calmness and what kind of effort calmness can bring into our life. I do not have to pretend to be calm, I do not have to pretend to be absolvitory, and I do not need to cover my feelings.
If what I should do when the old white lady started to insult Chinese, it is that I should stand still and close to the lady with a digital recorder in my palm, let she finish her curses, and smile. I would like to see what kind of opinion she holds against Chinese, how, and why.
Jacques was so furious. He said that at least we should curse back.
No.
I would rather let her people tell her what is wrong. And I believe, or hope, she would be able to understand her behavoir.
Well, I don't want to waste my time at that moment. Either, I don't think to stay longer with that lady is a good idea at that moment. I guess I did a right thing. Fortunately we left before Jacques started to react at her curses. Otherwise, I may not be able to control him even though I can behave myself.
Jacques started to feel worse when we came home. I guess he needs more personal space and so he is. Now he is sleeping in darkness, hopefully, reflective.